Escalate with a Woman Interview
Mr. X: What I really need to work on, I notice in like my past rela- tionships and whatnot, is I’ve never really been able to initiate sexual tension and really like pick up on girls’ like, signals and stuff like that.
Marni Kinrys: So in your relationships, or in girls that you’re dating, or girls that you want to be dating?
Mr. X: All of the above.
Marni Kinrys: All of the above.
Mr. X: I’m pretty good with talking and stuff like that, and I just started learning the banter and the whole flirting aspect of it.
Marni Kinrys: Wonderful. So you’re talking about escalating to that more sexual space with a woman, right?
Mr. X: Say that again?
Marni Kinrys: You’re talking about escalating. So whether that more sexual place with a woman… To build that tension. Well, can I tell you one thing about women and about people in general, the thing that creates the most amount of tension surrounding sex is anticipation. That, for me is the worst and best feeling in the entire world. And that’s even with my husband. So I remember there were times when I would be with guys—you know before I was married—and I would be anticipating a kiss and I wanted that kiss and I was leaning in and I was ready for it, and then I was also kind of covering up ’cause I was nervous for it, but that anticipation was the nicest feeling ever, and the longer it lasted, kind of the better the kiss was and the sexual experience was. So the question that you’re asking is how do you get into that space, right?
Mr. X: Yeah, yeah pretty much. You’ve got it spot on.
Marni Kinrys: So when you’re flirting and bantering with somebody, you’re at a totally different level than the seductive, escalation sexual period of time. So flirting and bantering is… like, your dopamine levels are going crazy, you’re exchanging banter with each other, you’re teasing, you’re touching, it’s going a little faster, your voices are higher up and they’re louder. . . correct?
Mr. X: Yeah, that’s spot on.
Marni Kinrys: So then usually when you want to go down to… or you know bring it back to a sexual-tension-building space, you can start to do that with your body language and with your voice. Like hear what I’m doing now, like I’m speaking more slowly, you can’t see my body language, but my body language is moving more slowly.
Mr. X: Your voice is all I need.
Marni Kinrys: Yeah, exactly. So it’s getting into more of a seductive space. So typically, if you want to go from flirting to seducer, you can simply do that by changing your voice tonality, your body language, and the way that you’re looking at a woman.
Mr. X: Okay.
Marni Kinrys: Okay, so if you’re flirting and bantering, let’s say you and I are flirting and bantering right now, okay, and we’re having fun and we’re joking around. And then you stop for a second and you look me in the eyes. I’m not sure if you know the “triangle move” from Josh Pellicer from the Tao of Badass, but you look me in the eyes and then you look at one eye, and then the next eye, and then down to the lips and then back up to the eyes, and then you say something semi-sweet, but something that shows that you get me and understand me.
Mr. X: Okay.
Marni Kinrys: So you can say something like. . . we actually just talked about this on my podcast yesterday, so it’s really funny that you’re asking this question. But you could say something like, “You know what I just noticed about you? You see the world totally differently than most other girls that I’ve talked to, and I like it.” And you look her in the eyes and you’re appreciating her for that comment. So you don’t want to like, “You know what I just realized? You’re the prettiest girl in this room.” That can work, too, depending on how your conversation…
Mr. X: That seems a little like…
Marni Kinrys: Exactly, yeah, but if it’s like she’s a pretty girl, she’s like, “I’ve heard that before. That’s not anything I didn’t know already.” So you want to go that level deeper. “You know what I noticed about you? You’re very intelligent, I love the way that your brain works.”
Mr. X: Like noticing her character, right?
Marni Kinrys: Absolutely. Noticing her character and things that she’s really proud of that she’s had to build up on her own. Anything that a girl feels she naturally has is not something she wants to be complimented on. ’Cause she knows she has that ability.
Mr. X: That makes sense.
Marni Kinrys: And she’s been complimented on it for years. So you make that statement and you could put your hand on her leg, you can even brush the side of her arm, you can lean in close, you can make that statement, and then after you’re done with the statement and staring at her eyes for like one or two seconds, you lean back and you go back to flirting and bantering. Or you can continue in that seducer zone if you want. If you can maintain that comfort level to be in there. But the tension that you’re talking about is when you do the back and forth. When you continue to go into that space and not actually kiss her or not do what it is that she wants you to do. You’re building up that anticipation, that curiosity, that mystery. Why is he making me feel this way and then he’s pulling away from it? If you can do it confidently, that is going to build up an amazing level of anticipation that is super sexy. It’s going to make you feel really powerful and it’s going to make her really want you. She’ll be dying for a kiss from you at the very end. Like in her head she’s screaming, like, “Kiss me already! C’mon!” And I wouldn’t let it last for that much longer, but maybe like five minutes later, you go and you say,
“I really want to kiss you right now,” or you can just go in for the kiss, and get close to her, look her in the eyes again, do the triangle move and then go in for the kiss.
Mr. X: The triangle move sounds pretty cool, alright.
Marni Kinrys: Yeah that’s ’cause you’ve never heard of it before. So I actually had my husband do this to me after I heard about it from my friend Josh who owns Tao of Badass, and so I said to my husband, who I had been with at the time for like eight years, and I said, “Try this, I want to see if it works.” And he’s like, “Okay, but we’ve been married for so long and been together for so long, how is this going to work?” “I don’t know, but just try it.” I told him what to do and I said sit across the table from me and start talking to me, and then pause, and look in my eyes, and then look from one eye to the next eye, down to my lips and then back to my eyes and have a little smirk. And he did it, and honestly, I felt butterflies in my stomach.
Mr. X: What?
Marni Kinrys: It was intense! It was crazy. So if you want to try doing that, you could even say to girls, “I want to try something on you. What does this do for you?” That could be like a move for you, too. Even when you’re in playful conversation just,
“Oh,” you can say, “I just learned something, let me try it on you.” That’s your quicker way to get into that transition if that feels more comfortable for you for right now, just so you can gain confidence in knowing that it works.
Mr. X: No, like, most definitely. After reading like the first “How to be a Man Women Want,” I’m reading portions of the “What’s in a Woman’s Mind” so far. If you were here you would just be smiling because number 1, confidence levels… they have shot up completely.
Marni Kinrys: Really?! That makes me feel so good. I love that.
Mr. X: Oh my god, like it’s gotten to the point where it’s like I’m walking around, it’s like I’m giving off a different aura when I walk ’cause like I’ve been approached now, and it’s weird.
Marni Kinrys: What?
Mr. X: Yeah.
Marni Kinrys: Oh my god, I love that.
Mr. X: Yeah, I’ve been approached twice, and I’m like, “What the hell’s going on right now?”
Marni Kinrys: I know isn’t it crazy? It’s like when it starts working it’s like every area of your life, it just changes. It’s insane! That makes me so happy to hear. I hear it all the time, but it still feels nice.
Mr. X: Most definitely, like especially since I’m going back to college in like two weeks I want to make sure I’m on my game.
Marni Kinrys: Absolutely, that’s awesome. Alright, so let’s practice a little bit of the. . . well thank you for saying that by the way, I’m blushing right now and I feel so good. And let’s just start from the part of going into lowering your voice, slowing your voice, having your face and your eyes, like the body language, let’s go with that.
Mr. X: So you want me to lower my voice?
Marni Kinrys: I want you to practice going from, like we were ban- tering before, like just the transition of speaking more slowly and giving me a compliment. Taking time, making eye contact, showing with my body language that I’m confident and that your compliment and that you want something more, and then I want to see that triangle move.
Mr. X: Should I do the same “I like the way you see the world” thing?
Marni Kinrys: Absolutely.
Mr. X: Okay let’s see how this works. Umm. You know what I just noticed about you? You have a different view on the world, and I really like it.
Marni Kinrys: Okay, let’s do that now with more confidence, okay?
Mr. X: Alright, alright.
Marni Kinrys: The first sentence was great, the second part sounded rehearsed, okay? And as you start practicing, it will start com- ing out much more naturally because you’re going to own the sentence, but you have to really believe that the person you’re talking to you… really believe this statement. “You know what I just noticed about you? You have a wicked sense of humor. I can tell there’s something like, dirty going on behind those eyes.” Something like that. You can say that to girls. Like all those things. But you have to really believe those things and then slowly, over time it won’t matter what you say, you’ll believe anything that comes out of your mouth.
Mr. X: Alright, so let me just try to focus on your picture then. Alright. You know what I just noticed about you? Hot dang, this is harder than I thought it would be!
Marni Kinrys: No! You have that first sentence down, it was good. The face is good, the eyes are good, your tone is good, so don’t worry.
Mr. X: Okay. You know what I noticed about you? You have a different. . .
Marni Kinrys: No, wait for me to respond, okay? “You know what I noticed about you?” “What?” You can take a second. Okay. Keep going.
Mr. X: You know what I noticed about you?
Marni Kinrys: What?
Mr. X: I like the way you look at the world. You have a different view on things.
Marni Kinrys: Okay, and now slow it down, but that’s good. Slow it down, because you’re in control and you’re seducing now. So you’re going from fast and bantery and flirty and like making fun of her and blah blah and she’s making fun of you and you go… slow down: “You know what I notice about you? When you smile, your mouth does this really cute thing where only half of it. . . ” like whatever it is, you want to go slow. You want to make sure you’re using your mouth to say words. ’Cause you’re going to be kissing, right? So you’re trying to entice her with your body language, with your voice tonality, with the way that you’re looking at her. So they’re intense eyes as well. It’s like you’re zoning in on something. So let’s say you’re looking at an amazing piece of chocolate cake and you say to the chocolate cake, “I’m going to eat you all ’cause you are the most tasty thing I’ve ever had in my entire life.”
Mr. X: Okay.
Marni Kinrys: And that’s what you’re looking at: the cake, saying, “I’m about to devour you.” And you’re doing the same thing to the woman, but you’re using other words.
Mr. X: Alright, so let me just try to focus on your picture then. Alright. You know what I just noticed about you? Hot dang, this is harder than I thought it would be!
Marni Kinrys: No! You have that first sentence down, it was good. The face is good, the eyes are good, your tone is good, so don’t worry.
Mr. X: Okay. You know what I noticed about you? You have a different. . .
Marni Kinrys: No, wait for me to respond, okay? “You know what I noticed about you?” “What?” You can take a second. Okay. Keep going.
Mr. X: You know what I noticed about you?
Marni Kinrys: What?
Mr. X: I like the way you look at the world. You have a different view on things.
Marni Kinrys: Okay, and now slow it down, but that’s good. Slow it down, because you’re in control and you’re seducing now. So you’re going from fast and bantery and flirty and like making fun of her and blah blah and she’s making fun of you and you go… slow down: “You know what I notice about you? When you smile, your mouth does this really cute thing where only half of it. . . ” like whatever it is, you want to go slow. You want to make sure you’re using your mouth to say words. ’Cause you’re going to be kissing, right? So you’re trying to entice her with your body language, with your voice tonality, with the way that you’re looking at her. So they’re intense eyes as well. It’s like you’re zoning in on something. So let’s say you’re looking at an amazing piece of chocolate cake and you say to the chocolate cake, “I’m going to eat you all ’cause you are the most tasty thing I’ve ever had in my entire life.”
Mr. X: Okay.
Marni Kinrys: And that’s what you’re looking at: the cake, saying, “I’m about to devour you.” And you’re doing the same thing to the woman, but you’re using other words.
Mr. X: Okay. You know…Gah! Marni, you’re making me crazy. Alright. You know what I noticed about you?
Marni Kinrys: What?
Mr. X: Like, I see something in your eyes, I don’t know, it’s like you have something dirty going on back there.
Marni Kinrys: Really?
Mr. X: It’s just something that I see.
Marni Kinrys: No this is great, don’t worry about it. But then you gotta go back to the flirting and bantering.
Mr. X: Okay.
Marni Kinrys: And if she does, and if you do say that, like and she goes, “Really?” like, “Oh you like that don’t you? You like the dirty thoughts behind your mind. You are dirty!” and then like you can go back to a flirty, bantering space again. But you want to build up that tension. I liked how your eyes work, I like how your voice tonality was.
So that’s what you’re going to do, like once we get off of this phone call. I want you to practice in front of the mirror. ’Cause then you can see it. You can see what it is that you’re doing, and then you can see when you’re actually being attractive. So when I did that triangle thing with my husband, I practiced it on myself in the mirror afterwards and I said, “What is it?” and I figured out how to own it as well.
And now. . . So when I was on my podcast yesterday and I said that line to Haley, I don’t know if you listen to my podcast but you should, it’s awesome. “But, Haley,” everybody in the room got quiet, and Haley just like zoned in on me when I made this statement because I was talking really fast and bantering about stuff and then I said, “You know what I would do? I would do this,” and I just started saying the line, and I switched my tonality, and my eyes got really focused on her, and she immediately softened up to me and leaned in. It was just her natural response.
But that’s through practice of doing that, and like afterwards, Kristin and Moe, who were also in the room were like, “Whoa! I could feel that. What the hell did you just say? Say it again.” I’m like, “I can’t repeat what I just said, it just came out of my mouth.” But they were just like, “We could all feel what you were just doing.”
So that’s what you want to practice, if you are looking in the mirror, you want to feel that from you too, where you’re like “Fuck, I’m sexy. Like I would want to be with me.” ’Cause what you’re really saying underneath those words are, “I’m freaking amazing in bed, and I’m going to rock your world.” That’s what you’re saying with that leadership and that strength and that confidence in yourself.
Mr. X: Okay.
Marni Kinrys: That’s what you’re saying underneath it. And that’s what’s coming across to her. That’s where the excitement comes from. When a man can project and present himself in the way that I’m expressing myself right now, that’s power, and that just spells, “I am an amazing lover, I can be powerful in bed, and I can be the man you’ve always wanted to be with.”
Mr. X: Alright.
Marni Kinrys: And that’s curiosity, that’s where anticipation builds from because, oh my god, you can banter and you can be this other guy too, that’s like what I’ve always been looking for.
Mr. X: Alright. You just blew my mind right there.
