Boundaries and Expectations

Boundaries and Expectations PDF

Task Outline

Define all of the expectations and boundaries you want to have when it comes to women.

For example, “I will not sacrifice time with my kids for a woman” OR “I expect a woman to be as physically affectionate with me as I am with her.”

Rules

This exercise will help you build a foundation of what you are and are not willing to do for and accept from a woman.

I definitely don’t want you to write expectations like: “She will have home-cooked meals waiting for me every night!” or “I expect her to have sex with me whenever I want and wherever I want!”

I am asking you to make a list of what BEHAVIORS and VALUES you are willing to accept and not accept in another human being that you are allowing into your own life.

Why?

It’s very important to understand your own boundaries. Just think of volleyball: if we didn’t know what was in-bounds and out-of-bounds, points would be scored all around, both teams would feel as though they were being treated unfairly, and everybody would just be UTTERLY frustrated. The same goes for you and your relationships with women.

This is where the phrase “Nice guys finish last” comes from: Guys with no boundaries, who let everyone else get what they want FIRST before themselves, and generally take care of OTHER people at the expense of themselves. Hence, they finish LAST.

A whole bunch of nice guys with no boundaries went and got walked all over by a bunch of women, and it didn’t take a rocket scientist for everyone ELSE to realize that that was a bad thing.

The truth is, women will use a guy if he presents himself as somebody who CAN be used. If you present yourself as somebody with no bound- aries and no expectations, as a guy who’s “down for whatever” and “always there no matter what,” women will use you to their advantage and TAKE advantage of you so long as you let them.

And on top of that, they’ll never respect you for it.

So, with that said, once you DO have boundaries, women will see you as a strong, confident guy who won’t take shit from anyone… and they’ll respect it, admire it, and feel irresistibly attracted to it.

Women want a man who can stand up for himself, because it’ll make us feel like you’ll do the same for us, that you’ll be strong and confident no matter what difficulties come your way, whether in your own life or the one we make together.

One thing to keep in mind is that your boundaries will change and adjust as you learn to care more about yourself and any woman you let into your life. Once you get clear on your boundaries, you’ll then have the strength to change them and let them be more fluid as new things (and people) enter your life. That’s what compromise is all about, and that’s the foundation of an amazing relationship with women.

You don’t need to be a stubborn jerk about your boundaries and expec- tations, but you DO need to be strong and hold onto what you believe first and foremost.

Here is a list of examples to help get you started in writing your OWN list of boundaries with women:

• I will not allow a woman I want to call me and whine about her boyfriend or ex-boyfriend
• I do not want to be with a woman who is rude or unkind to other people
• I will not “hang onto” or remain “friends” with a woman that I am romantically and/or sexually attracted to after disclosing my true feelings to her
• I expect a woman to be ready and on time for a date
• I will not accept a woman canceling plans last-minute or continually flaking

See where I’m going with these?

Let me set this straight, though: I don’t want you to be so rigid that NO WOMAN makes the cut, and at the same time I want YOU to understand that circumstance will come into play quite often.

It’s all about trusting your gut, never letting go of your own values and boundaries, knowing that you have your own integrity to uphold, and — most importantly — being able to express yourself when a woman’s behaviors disappoint you.

If she can’t adjust her behaviors based on your values, then first take a look at YOURSELF to see what makes YOUR values so important. Are you asking too much? Is this a boundary you can adjust? Or is she being disrespectful in not altering her behavior? If she refuses to take your values into consideration and ignores what’s important to you, then BY ALL MEANS cut her loose.

Having boundaries is one of the sexiest qualities a man can possess, and it’s the first step to getting the type of women you REALLY want.