You can say a lot with your mouth closed
Take a look at the way you walk and carry yourself.
Do you walk with your shoulders slumped forward, head down?
Do you walk with your head far in front of you, arms firmly at your sides?
Do you swing your arms back and forth as you walk, shoulders pulled back and chin held high?
Be aware of the way you walk, and then observe the way other people walk – especially women.
Why?
Your body – and body language – are first things people see when they interact with you.
A few of the most common “body language bad habits” that I’ve noticed in men over the years:
Flailing Arms
Hands flapping around like one of those dancing balloon men they put out in front of used car dealerships.
Flailing is a sign of nerves, and nerves are a sign of discomfort. If you’re uncomfortable, she’s going to be uncomfortable.
To fight the flail, lock your hands in front of your body, or put them casually in your pockets.
Close Encounter
I can’t stand when guys stand too close to me. It feels attacking and aggressive. It’s also very uncomfortable when a guy stands in front of me directly, face and body in line with mine.
To rein in close encounters, make sure you put a nice amount of distance between you and the person you’re talking to. Think, “If she had bad breath, could I smell it right now?” If yes, move back. If no, you’re all good.
Don’t stand face-on with your shoulders parallel to hers. Instead, stand at a 45-degree angle. It’s less aggressive, and says “I’m in, but not fully in just yet.”
The “silly walk” is based on an exercise I did a few years back. It’s a continuation of the default face, because it’s about first noticing and then deciding for yourself what works best for you.
Here’s what I want you to do:
I would like you to take notice of different kinds of walks. Which walk do you see as confident? Which walks do you see as feminine? Calm? Powerful?
Then emulate these walks. Try out different styles of walks and take notes on:
- How you feel when you walk a certain way
- How people respond to you when you walk in a particular way
- What is most comfortable to you?
- Share it with someone – record a video of your “new walk”. Study the video. If you feel comfortable enough, show the video to someone you know and ask them what they think about the way that you carry yourself.
BONUS: If you can pull off one day of doing the silly walk from Monty Python, you get bonus cool fun points. Remember, everything in this program is research for you. If you can’t have fun with yourself, who can you have fun with?
