Your Own Worst Enemy?
I want you to start noticing how you talk TO and ABOUT yourself.
Do you refer to yourself as lazy or uninteresting? Do you constantly get mad at yourself for not achieving your goals? Have you been known to say things like, “Oh that was stupid of me!” or, “If only I could just… ”
If you answered “yes,” to any of these questions, you’re probably painting a pretty negative, desolate picture of yourself to other people… especially to women.
Remember, you are in full control of how other people see you. If you can’t see yourself in a positive light, how is anyone else going to?
Normally, our thoughts are followed by our emotions, and if you have self-shaming or self-deprecating thoughts about yourself, you’ll undoubtedly feel awful about yourself in return.
But once you start talking about and thinking about yourself in a positive light, you’ll soon start feeling more energized about the man you are, more confident about the guy walking around, and more excited about sharing that guy with the people around you.
Also, how you see the world around you is a reflection of how you see yourself.
Do you have negative thoughts about your boss, your co-workers, your neighbors, or women in general?
Once you start seeing yourself more positively, you’ll notice how much more you appreciate other people around you, and those people (especially women) will feel more comfortable and more assured in your presence.
So now we’re going to REFRAME your self-thoughts and the language you use to describe yourself.
Here’s how to do it:
It’s probably easy for you to tell yourself to, “STOP BEING SO NEGATIVE!” But shaming yourself like that is STILL talking down to yourself.
Instead, I want you to NOTICE whenever you have something harsh to say about yourself. When you catch yourself, stop, give yourself a little smirk for being “yourself,” and kindly turn around what you’ve said into something positive.
If you are in conversation with someone and you say something negative, STOP, breathe, and then say, “Let me rephrase that,” and then say it in a more positive way.
WARNING: At first, this will definitely feel strange. Most things feel strange before they become a habit.
I personally have always been very harsh and critical of myself, and it took awhile for me to just NOTICE the mean things I was saying to myself.
But once I started noticing the negative things I was saying, I soon after began to JUST STOP. Being able to say something positive instead came a little later… but it DID come.
Slowly, the negative thoughts will start to decrease and you will start speaking more positively, which will make you (and other people) like you more.
Here’s a step-by-step way to stop negative/damaging thoughts right in their tracks.
- Choose three songs that motivate you or even ones that you just really like or make you FEEL happy
- Whenever you start to think negatively about yourself (or anyone else, for that matter), pick one of the songs and start singing it to yourself in your head. Or, hell, you can even sing it out loud.
- This will stop your negative thoughts dead in their tracks. After they are stopped, reframe those negative thoughts into something positive.
