Self Awareness & Self-Assurance

Self Awareness and Self Assurance mp3

Self Awareness and Self Assurance PDF

This first module is about self-awareness, the first variable in the Crack the Girl Code.

Have you ever heard the saying, “You can’t know where you’re going until you know where you are?”

That’s the basis of this module: knowing yourself, your likes, dislikes, passions, wants, needs, and, more importantly, what you REALLY want in a woman.

Once you know yourself and exactly what you want, you’ll feel assured in who YOU are and begin to carry yourself in a way that exudes confidence and strength.

Self-assurance comes from having a clear idea of your own wants and needs, your likes and dislikes, and who you are separate from the roles you play and the people you interact with.

You can be given all the tools needed to talk to and date women, but if you don’t have anything to offer past a few entertaining “moves” and conversations, then you’ll be nothing more than a one hit wonder with ANY woman you come across.

Now, while I personally have no idea what it’s like to grow up as a man, I will say that I know EXACTLY what it’s like to grow up not knowing myself.

In my teen years, I was a bit of a wallflower. I wasn’t the most social of kids, and I sure as hell wasn’t very popular.

In fact, being around “pretty,” “popular” girls gave me complete anxiety.

Just so you know, I’m not a lesbian, but I totally relate to your confusion, frustration, and fascination with pretty women.

When I was around a pretty girl that I wanted to like me, I couldn’t speak my mind. I agreed with everything they said and they always befriended me, but I knew it was because I put them on a pedestal and did whatever they said.

In my mind, I never thought I really measured up to them, and I always got waaaaaay too nervous around these girls to ever say anything or speak up for myself.

Because I didn’t know myself, I didn’t hold meaningful conversations, didn’t have strong friendships, and wasn’t really OK with how my social life was.

I know that for a lot of people, high school and teen years can be a bit awkward… but I was DEFINITELY more shy, quiet, and reserved than most (which I’m sure is ironic at this point considering I now freely and openly talk to anyone and EVERYONE… but we’ll get to that in a second).

It wasn’t until I was 20 years old that I truly discovered the person inside me that I had always wanted others to see.

When I was 20, I decided to get out of my comfort zone and go travel the world for a couple months with one of my best friends.

This best friend happened to be one of the bubbliest girls I had ever met, and she would literally go outside for a cigarette and in a matter of minutes would make five new friends.

I think I was friends with her because I so badly wanted to be just like her. I wanted to know how to make people like me.

So ten days into our trip, I started to get frustrated with my friend because everyone loved her. People would come knocking on our hostel door looking for her and wanting to go out with her, and I was simply the sidekick who would tag along and stand in the corner.

I decided I no longer wanted to be the wallflower. I wanted to be just like my friend, the person who walks into a room and everyone notices. The person that caught people’s attention. The person that people wanted to know.

So I asked my friend what her secret was, and she told me. She told me that a long time ago, her brother told her that if you want to be a person that others are attracted to, especially women, you gotta really know yourself and own who you are.

I immediately understood what my friend was telling me and quickly realized I had no freaking clue who I was. I was so fixed on who everyone else was and what they wanted that I never took the time to get to know ME. What I want. Who I am.

This knowledge started me on my mission to discover myself. I wanted (NEEDED) to find out who I was. Who’s Marni? What does she like? What DOESN’T she like? What drives her? What are her passions? Who is she away from her family and few friends? Who is she outside of Toronto? Who is she at her CORE?

Have you ever felt like you weren’t sure who you were outside of your role as a son, or an employee, or a student, or even a MAN?

With the exception of being a man, that’s exactly how I felt. So I took off to go find out…
And find out I did!

For the next three months, while backpacking the east coast of Australia, I was on a mission to discover me and push myself every day to do things that I was afraid of.

The first thing I did was get myself a rubber band to put on my wrist so that I could snap it whenever I wanted to do something that scared me.

Every time I saw someone I wanted to approach or talk to, or every time there was something I really wanted to do, I would snap the rubber band and then say “Three, two, one, GO!” And I’d go do it. To this day, I still wear that band on my wrist, but I don’t have to snap it as often.

The rubber band got me out of my head and got me present in my body. It also reminded me that I can do it.

For the next two months, I practiced approaching random people on the street and saying hi. It freaked me out initially, but over time it became second nature.

I practiced saying what I wanted instead of being wishy washy or non-opinionated.

I practiced approaching groups of people and working my way into their conversation to the point that I was the center of the conversation and was able to get the group to do what I wanted to do and be happy about it.

It was amazing, and my friend was noticing this change in me and treating me totally differently. She no longer treated me like the innocent little friend that she had to protect. She treated me as an equal and a friend she respected.

In our last month, we split up because we wanted to do different things, then we met up for our last week in New Zealand.

I had been practicing on my own for a month, making new friends, hooking up with boys, basically having the time of my life, and hadn’t even realized how much I had changed until I met up with my friend.

She and I went out to a bar, and while we were there, I decided to get the dance floor going since no one was on it. By the way, I’m an awful dancer, so I got up on the dance floor and just started dancing for me in the goofiest way I could. I then went up to tables and pulled people up to dance with me, and within a few songs people were dancing and being goofy.

Later in the night, they asked if anyone wanted to sing with the band, and I immediately jumped up on stage and sang with the band – something I would have never done before.

After I got off stage, my friend ask me, “Who are you?” and I turned to her and said, “I’m finally the real Marni. The girl I always knew I could be.” And she hugged me.

I was no longer intimidated by “pretty” people, and I never stood on the sidelines anymore with nothing to say. Most importantly that eager feeling inside which translated to neediness was totally gone.

I spoke with a clear, assertive confidence, because everything I said was my own thought and feeling… and I always spoke up for myself.

When I returned home, people had NO IDEA what had happened to me. People almost didn’t recognize me just because of how INCREDIBLY different I was acting.

And pretty soon, because I now knew exactly what I wanted for myself, I was attracting the most amazing experiences and people into my life.

I knew what I wanted… so I did exactly what I needed to do to get it.

When you dedicate your time to really finding out who you are and getting to know and love who you are no matter who or what comes your way, women will see that, respect it, and cherish it (and you) for as long as you let them.

In fact, I’m about to get all sciencey on you for a second: women are biologically more inclined to desire men who are self confident and have high levels of self-awareness. From an evolutionary point of view, these characteristics trigger women to view you as a more viable mate.

A man who knows himself knows his capabilities, knows his strengths, knows how to utilize his strengths and his best assets to get what he wants. He is self-assured and with that, women are sure of him as well.

Which is why getting to know YOU before YOU figure out women is essential to your success with women.

So this module is dedicated to YOU. Before there is US, or that hot, amazing woman in your life, there has to be you.

YOU have to have a life.
YOU have to know who you are and what you want. YOU have to state what you want.
YOU have to know your boundaries.

YOU have to be comfortable in your skin so that when you meet that amazing, awesome woman, you won’t creep her out, scare her off, or lose her simply because her presence rattles you.

And more importantly…

You need to know how to turn yourself on and look at yourself as a confident, sexy, handsome, charming, and irresistible man…

Because until you DO, no woman will.

So, once again, I welcome you to the first module… which is all about YOU (in case you didn’t get that the first time).

In this module, you are going to discover:

Female Facts, Myths, & Urban Legends

Now before we can get to your best self, I want to clarify some of the myths and urban legends out there about WOMEN.

These are the things you may have been telling yourself as excuses for why you’re unsuccessful with women… and the main reasons you are usually held and confined to one zone.

The ideal man for every woman makes no room for excuses, which means that you and I have some air to clear before we continue. Below, I’ve listed several things that are going to keep you from having success with women and in other areas of your life.

Once you remove these false beliefs from your world view, you’ll see a difference in the way you act, approach, talk to, date, and seduce women… and you’ll have an entire world now open to you in the process.

MYTH: I must find a woman who has XYZ…

Dr. Benjamin Karney from The Relationship Institute at UCLA told me about a psychological study performed to see if an individual’s predetermined list of qualities a partner must possess holds up as a measurement of what they really want.

They decided to perform this study using a speed-dating environment, where equal numbers of men and women were present. Prior to speed dating, they asked all participants to list what they wanted most in a partner.

As a whole, men said looks were the most important to them, and women said a man’s earning potential was most valued. Women, on average, listed looks as fifth most important.

When the speed dating commenced, they asked everyone to rate each person on an attraction scale and on an earning potential scale, with 10 being most attractive/top earning potential and 1 being the opposite.

You would think that at the end the session the men who said looks were the most important would have selected to further connect with the women they rated as a 10 for looks. You would also think that the women would feel a connection with the men they rated at 10 for earning potential.

NOT SO.

They found that the participant’s predetermined list of qualities had nothing to do with their selection of those that they felt a connection with.

This means that the list of qualities they had been using to select possible dating partners was bupkis (that means rubbish, garbage, false, in Yiddish)!

These lists of qualities are possibly limiting people from meeting their potential mates. Even worse, they are stopping people from finding the fun in the dating process because they may be adding too much rigidity to their selection phase.

Not only do we have these lists for what kind of person we want in a partner, we also have these lists for ourselves in terms of the kind of person we think we want to be (or DON’T want to be).

The truth is, any time you subscribe to a given set of lists, roles, or ideals, you’re cutting yourself off to other possibilities, qualities, and opportunities to meet and even BECOME the type of person you want to be.

Most men think that they, too, need to be a certain character or play a certain role in order to get women.

You subject yourself to your own list of criteria regarding women, such as, “I’m usually the funny guy,” or “I get girls ’cause I’m the fun daring type, not the sensitive sister.”

The only problem is women want it ALL… just like you do!

We want the best of every world, which includes the funny, sexy, charming, adventurous, sensitive guy… all of which you can be without having to compromise any part of yourself or trying to fit into a role you’re not.

So eliminate your set list of qualities and ignore others’ lists, because it may stop you from finding the women that you ultimately want and from becoming the man you ultimately want to be.

MYTH: The only way to make a woman happy in a relationship is to give her everything she wants

A lot of guys get into relationships with women and think, “Okay, the only way to avoid arguments and make her happy is to just do everything she wants me to do.”

WRONG!

These are the guys who become the “relationship guy.” You know, the kind of guy that EVERY MAN is terrified of becoming? These are the men who sacrifice their friends for their female, start getting waxed because the lady is grossed out by his hairy back even though he’s fine with it, the guy who sacrifices game day with the boys for game night with other couples.

Most guys get into relationships and forget that there was a strong, confident guy that we were initially attracted to. The guy who had his core group of friends he played basketball with every Sunday, or the guy who read comic books before bed, or the guy who had Backstreet Boys on his Pandora station and had no shame in singing along to.

Somewhere along the way, in order to make their ladies happy or avoid the nagging, complaining, and fighting, these guys lose themselves and become everything they THINK their woman wants… when really, their woman just wants them to be the guy she first fell for.

The truth, is we want you to be yourself and STAND UP for yourself, even if it means standing up to US. We want you to know damn well that you can’t make us happy because that’s a job WE have to do for ourselves.

I know telling a woman NO is no easy feat (because I’m a woman, and you will FEAR my wrath if you say no to me! And then have me cuddle up next to you and say, “Ok fiiiiiiine,” ten minutes later when I’ve cooled down and done it for myself!).

But with the right finesse and enough confidence backed by your new Code for getting any woman you want, you’ll be able to have complete control over who you are and who you want to be regardless of what any woman wants in and from you… and consequently make women want you MORE because of it.

URBAN LEGEND: The man who went from friend to lover just by waiting

Have you ever heard the story about the wimpy guy who was in love with a girl for two years?

Well, what happened was this: he focused so much attention on this girl, listened to her complain about boyfriends, went shopping with her, was her shoulder to cry on, and was there for her whenever she needed him. He was so focused on this one girl that he totally ignored other potential women because he was sure one day she would come around.

Well, turns out, she did! And he didn’t even have to say anything. One day, the girl turned to him and said, “OMG, why hadn’t I ever noticed you before. You are exactly the man I want and have always needed. I love you and want to have sex with you every day to make up for lost time!”

You want to know why you have never heard this story before? Because it didn’t happen and will never happen.

Like I said earlier, being in the Friend Zone and not moving from it comes from a man’s own (lack of) actions.

If she’s got an on switch for you as a friend and you don’t turn on any of her other adventurous, connection, or sexual switches, she’ll find somebody else who will (all of which I’ll explain in further detail later).

Women don’t just turn these switches themselves out of nowhere based on your duration and dedication to her life, and using the semi-manipulation tactic of back-routing to attraction will always fail.

Don’t ask to be a friend if what you want is to get busy. Ask to get busy.

Okay, now that we’ve cleared the air on some misconceptions you may have had about YOURSELF regarding women… allow me to explain the real importance of YOU FIRST.

Why are we doing this?

So why spend all this time figuring out what kind of man you are and what it is you want FIRST?

Well, let me explain.

Attraction, for women, is based more on your behaviors and your intangible qualities. While you (like most men) can probably feel instant attraction to a woman based on her looks, a woman relies less on physical appearances and financial success than she does on OTHER qualities.

The three main qualities that women are inherently attracted to are character, strength, and value…all of which are contained within a self-aware and self-assured man.

Women can intrinsically detect these qualities in you based on how you carry yourself… and also by the way you make them FEEL.

While these are the three qualities women want in a man, they’re actually manifested through your confidence, level of fun, and how proactive you are.

A man who behaves with confidence (is relaxed, decisive, and can take leadership) is considered strong. A man who can have fun with himself and others and who also has a proactive approach on life gives value to women.

When we ladies are around a man who has all these qualities, we can relax, let our guards down, and fall into our feminine roles. Once we’re in our truly feminine states, we feel relaxed, sexy, empowered, and secure. We’re able to feel more sexually feminine when we’re around a confident, masculine man.

There’s also a very delicate balance between these three characteristics. Not only do you have to maintain a fine balance, but the balance also changes as your interaction with women progresses.

This is a very powerful secret most men don’t know. In fact, people in general don’t know it.

During the beginning of your interactions, the most important quality is strength, which is demonstrated by your level of confidence and your leadership capabilities. During this stage, you shouldn’t just focus on demonstrating character.

However, please remember that “courtesy is not weakness;” don’t explicitly avoid being a courteous gentlemen for fear of being viewed as “weak” or “too nice.”

Courtesy isn’t considered weakness unless it’s done at the EXPENSE of yourself as a means to impress women or make them like you more. This means doing things for women if it inconveniences you or saying things you don’t mean because you want to make a woman feel nice about herself.

I call this “Nice Guy manipulation.” It is just as unattractive as trying to be a bad boy or bad ass for the sake of attempting to attract women. When you have genuine confidence in yourself, you’re doing something because you want to, not because you think it’ll get you something in return.

The reason you see so many jerks getting girls is because cocky guys actually THINK they’re awesome. They look at themselves and think, “I don’t care what anybody else thinks… I’m going to be myself!” Even if who they are is disrespectful, loud, and obnoxious, women still respect them as being men who are genuine and confident. It’s this trait alone that drives women wild, not their actual jerkiness (Is that a word? Now it is.).

But confident behavior and qualities, inner peace and strength, these things are all completely learnable… especially when you know yourself and where you are in relation to those traits RIGHT NOW in your life.

So the first step to doing that is finding out who YOU are and strengthening your belief in that guy; you’ve got to believe you’re 100% awesome and recognize your own value and self-worth.

Once you fully understand who you are at your core, you can drill down your intentions for yourself, your life, and your relationships with women… and finally discover and build up your own fundamental values. All of this will lead to gaining mastery of your own wants, desires, and goals and allow you to achieve internal strength and calm.

It’s like going into the grocery store without a list and wandering around aimlessly until something catches your eye. When you have a clear goal and intention in mind, your vision shifts in ways that allow you to only focus on what you need to do in order to ACHIEVE that desired goal… and you’ll always achieve it once you know what your goal is.

The second step involves putting your newfound purpose into practice. The only way to get what you want is by asking for it, going out and practicing. If you’re waiting for things like money, power, women—anything—to come to you, you’re going to be waiting a long time.

Women find men of action incredibly sexy…and they want men who take leadership in their lives. They’re attracted to men who recognize and know their own worth and go after anything and everything they want without question or doubts.

Even if you’re fat, bald, or poor, women want a strong man with character and value, not a guy who second guesses himself and puts himself down.

So, once again, this module is all about nailing down the first variable in the Crack the Girl Code, which involves learning all about YOU and becoming 100% sure of the man you are.

We’re going to take the time to discover the core of who you are, achieve the utmost self-understanding and self-acceptance, and then eliminate any negative self-thoughts to replace them with positive ones. Because once you start thinking positively about yourself, women will, too.

Once you can take the time to get to know yourself better, women will want to take the time to know you in return.

A man who is self-assured is and always can be himself at his core. No matter what comes his way, he doesn’t break under stress, nor does he compromise who he is for the sake of others.

He knows his faults, his limitations, his strengths, his weaknesses, and more importantly, he knows that no matter what or who enters his life, he can (and does) handle absolutely anything life throws his way.

Through his confidence and assurance, other people are confident IN him.

Without self-assurance, you may get a girl… you may even get SOME girls… but you won’t get THE girl for you, the one (or ones) you actually want.

How are we going to do this?

To help get you started on becoming the self-aware, self-assured man that drives women wild, I’ve compiled a handful of exercises for you to complete.

Your goal is to do all these exercises for the next week or so (remember, take no longer than three weeks!) and to continue doing so throughout the duration of this course.

All of them are geared toward helping you better understand where you are RIGHT NOW, and where you want to be.

They’re here to facilitate your own understanding of how you present yourself to the world and, more importantly, to women around you.

Once you have a better understanding of the man you portray to the world, we’re going to work on figuring out your wants and needs… and then getting you out there to GO GET ’EM.

All I ask is that you be 100% honest with yourself in answering the questions and doing the exercises. There is no right or wrong way to answer any of the reflective questions. The questions are there to bring awareness to the kind of man you are, and to help highlight and bring out the very best aspects of that man.

More importantly, I want you to HAVE FUN. If you find yourself getting confused, frustrated, or even down on yourself, take a step back, recall WHY you’re going through this, and remember that the only person you have to answer to in all this is YOU.

Good luck, and I’ll speak to you soon 😉