The last module was aaaaaaall about YOU… so now we’re going to move on and talk about women.
But before we get started, I want to share a joke with you:
So a young man is walking along one of Southern California’s sandy beaches with his surf board. He suddenly spots a bottle that has recently washed up on the beach. It’s obvious it’s been tossed around for a long time. He picks up the bottle and notices that it still has the cork intact. So, being curious as to what may be inside, he manages to get the cork out, and out pops a genie.
After expressing profound appreciation for having been let out of the bottle, the genie grants his benefactor the classic “one wish and it will be yours.” Being an avid surfer, it doesn’t take the man long to say, “I’ve always wanted to surf Hawaii, but I get seasick on ships and I’m afraid to fly. Would you build me a bridge to Hawaii?”
The Genie replies:
“Do you know what you are asking for? Do you know how long the bridge would have to be? Think of the enormous challenges of that kind of undertaking. The supports required to reach the bottom of the Pacific! The concrete and steel it would take! It will nearly exhaust several natural resources. And the maintenance of that bridge! No, think of another wish.”
The man said OK and tried to think of a really good wish. Finally, he said:
“I’ve been married and divorced four times. My wives always said that I don’t care and that I’m insensitive. So, I wish that
I could understand women… know how they feel inside and what they’re thinking when they give me the silent treatment, know why they’re crying, know what they really want when they say “nothing,” know how to make them truly happy… I really want to understand women and how they think!”
After a long sigh, the Genie responds:
“Would you like that bridge with two lanes or four?”
So as you can see, understanding women is NOT the easiest thing in the world… but it’s not impossible either.
Even I laugh when I hear this joke, because I know just how damn complicated we women really are, not only to men but also to ourselves.
Do you know how many times I hear women say, “Oh my God, I can’t believe I just did that!” or “I have no idea what I was thinking when I said that to him!”
I HEAR IT OFTEN.
The reason why it’s so hard for you to understand us is simply because you are a man. You are different from us. We use our brains differently, see colors differently, and express emotions differently. These are just of few of the vast differences between men and women, but you see where I am going.
The reason you don’t understand us is because you are not a WOMAN. I believe that if you ever want to do anything with women, i.e. date, sex, friendship, marriage etc., you have to have a better understanding of how they work, what they want, and what turns them on. Which is where I come in.
And now that you have a better understanding of who you are at your core, it’s now time to understand women as you invite them into your life.
I want you to think of your relationship to women in the same way as a brain surgeon has to learn about the brain before he is cleared to operate on one.
You won’t go anywhere NEAR a brain with a scalpel before going to med school, and you can’t even operate on someone before passing your medical exam (and knowing EVERYTHING there is to know about first being a surgeon and the brain you’re about to work on).
In the same breath, I’m sure you would NEVER let just anybody to cut open your head to operate on your brain, and you certainly wouldn’t allow anyone to operate on your dear sweet brain without them knowing FOR SURE how the brain responds, reacts, and works, am I right?
You’d never allow a mechanic, a plumber, or your Lego-genius brother to perform brain surgery on you because, as skilled as they are in their line of work, they don’t understand YOUR BRAIN.
So, in the same way that a brain surgeon needs to know about a brain inside and out (in order to work with it and make it better than ever!), you need to know all about how women work (to make your relationship with them better than ever!).
That’s why understanding women is the SECOND variable in the Crack the Girl Code, because a man who understands women has a huge advantage over the men that don’t. Now that you have a better understanding of yourself (how to be a “brain surgeon”), NOW it’s time to move on to understanding women (the “brain”).
Female facts, myths, and urban legends
In the last module, we discussed all the misconceptions you had about YOURSELF in regards to women…
Now we’re going to discuss some of the misunderstandings you may have about WOMEN.
Plenty of men walk around with chips on their shoulders because of the many bad experiences they’ve had with women—and you may not be an exception.
But until you get rid of your own negative perceptions of the female race, every woman you come across will pick up on it… and it will turn them off.
So let’s dispel all these rumors about my fellow females and get you well on your way to having any one you want.
FACT: Looks don’t matter to women
You make decisions based on facts, and women make their decisions based on feelings. Therefore, when first meeting you, women will decide if they are attracted to you because of how you make them feel. In man terms, this means LOOKS ARE NOT AS IMPORTANT TO WOMEN AS THEY ARE TO MEN.
When you first approach a woman, she judges you entirely on HOW you present yourself. What else does she have to judge from? It’s only been five seconds.
But something interesting happens to a woman when she interacts with others. She starts to FEEL the other person, and from that feeling she can interpret your character and value within a matter of seconds. Your looks start to blur and your appearance changes depending on how you make her feel. I call this ENERGY.
Think about how women describe their friends to other possible suitors. Any other woman that a female “feels” close to or cares about becomes attractive to them. Which is why you may constantly be set up with fat, hairy Sally! Not attractive to you, but beautiful to your female friend. She valued this woman, and because of how she feels about her, your friend believes Sally is attractive.
Regardless of whether you are rich or poor, good looking or plain, fat or thin, bald or long-haired, if you can master the art of projecting a quality energy that women can feel, you can light up a woman’s primal attraction circuitry like a Christmas tree!
What most men don’t realize, however, is that a woman isn’t wired like a light bulb – she doesn’t operate with an on/off switch for men.
Instead, we’re more like circuit boards where we have SEVERAL on/off switches.
You might turn on our “friendship switch,” where we feel comfortable enough to disclose vulnerable parts of ourselves to you. We trust you to be open and forthcoming about who we are, and we welcome those parts of you in return.
You might even turn on our “let’s get it on!” switch, where we have primal sexual reactions to you just by being in your presence, but we may not be able to hold a conversation with you for more than five minutes (and even THAT can feel too long at times).
This is great news for you, because amplifying your quality energy to appeal to ALL her switches is a learnable skill that can take you from being a complete failure with women to being a rock star.
And it’s a skill that you can only obtain once you know how to implement the Crack the Girl Code into your life.
MYTH: Women put men into the Friend Zone because they don’t want to have sex with them
A lot of guys have adopted this belief that the Friend Zone means the ULTIMATE DANGER zone, which isn’t necessarily the case unless you KEEP yourself there.
Let me explain.
If you can even GET into the Friend Zone with a woman, it means that she trusts you. It means that she feels comfortable enough around you to be herself, to be vulnerable, to have you in her inner circle.
This is a lot more than most men will ever attain with a woman.
You’re not in there because she deems you completely asexual, you’re in there because she considers you somebody she can feel safe with and close to.
The reason most guys in this zone, however, don’t get laid is that they’re afraid to move PAST this level of comfort to create sexual tension within the relationship or to put themselves on the line and let her know about their true feelings for her.
They get by thinking that eventually ONE DAY she’ll just see him as the man of her dreams because of the fact that they have their friendship… and that’s where guys are DEAD WRONG.
Women don’t put you into the Friend Zone as much as you keep yourself there due to your own inability to take a chance on yourself, be vulnerable about your romantic feelings, and risk losing the friendship altogether.
It’s not an easy thing to do, but later on in this program I’ll explain exactly how to break free from the Friend Zone once you’re able to get into it, because if you follow the Crack the Girl Code, you’ll ALWAYS be in the Friend Zone. You’ll just also be getting laid and loved in the process.
MYTH: Women test men for sport
Contrary to popular belief, women do not test you for sport. We test you because of our own insecurity. Do not panic if a woman asks you a question that feels like she is testing you. Remember that this “test” is just a symptom of an insecurity that is brewing inside her. It has nothing to do with you. Until you panic, anyway.
TRUTH: As women, we aim to be the perfect, ideal woman. That is our goal, and that is where most of our actions and expectations come from. Because of this, we shove our needs to the side until they come busting out of us.
Women do not state their needs because they feel that if they do they are weak, vulnerable, and needy. Men are the total opposite. Men state their needs at the time they feel them so that their needs can be met right away. You guys are definitely on to something!
Because of this, a lot of times men have to decide what women need, and the bad news is that you are usually wrong.
Handle any situation you feel as a “test” with calmness and grace, and understand that the question is coming from a place of insecurity. If you can help her calm this insecurity, you will be her HERO.
MYTH: Women only like bad boys, jerks, and players
Women do not want to be with bad boys, jerks, or assholes. They want to be with nice men. BUT this nice man had better have a strong backbone. There is big difference between being a wimp that gets walked all over and a nice man.
I have never heard of any woman sitting with her friends during a girls night saying, “I can’t wait till I meet a jerky asshole that will treat me poorly, belittle me on a daily basis, and show absolutely no sign of respect for me.”
All women are looking for a MAN. A MAN with a backbone who respects himself. A man that is calm, cool, collected, comfortable, and honest. An authentic MAN. Not a bad boy.
The unfortunate part is that players SEEM to have a backbone compared to wimpy guys who won’t stand up for themselves.
But there is a way to embody the calm, cool, collected nature of a player without having to be a jerk about it… and we’ll definitely get to that later.
FACT: Women have baggage and insecurities
Even though women may present themselves as “flawless,” what goes on inside our heads is often a total mess. Just like men, we have had experiences in our lives that led us to who we are today. We may have been hurt, we may have been taken advantage of, we may be shy, or we may not have learned how to appreciate ourselves.
Just because a woman is attractive does not mean that she is confident. Women may be able to walk into a room and get sex instantly if they wish, but they may not be able to find a good man that respects them and treats them how they want to be treated – two very different scenarios.
Understand that you are not the only one with anxious, eager thoughts running through your head. Women experience exactly the same thing.
FACT: Women are good and want it all
This is the most important one. Sure, it may sound overwhelming, but the truth is we don’t want JUST the friend or JUST the super-confident asshole player.
We want the strong, sensitive, supportive, self-loving, nurturing adrenaline rush that comes CONTINUOUSLY from a man who can completely incorporate the Crack the Girl Code into his very existence.
Because one of those guys just isn’t enough. And the only way for YOU to truly be happy with yourself and with a woman, to the point where you get everything YOU want as well, is for you to adapt and adopt the many layers that come with knowing the Crack the Girl Code.
One role may have worked for you before. You may have your go-to character that would seem pointless to let go. You may have been hurt in the past. Women may have treated you poorly, but you must not hold past experiences against all women.
Just as women need to learn that men are good, you must believe that women are good. You must believe that they want it all because they DESERVE it all. And, most of all, YOU must believe that you deserve it all, as well.
So eliminate all your past beliefs about women, about yourself, about how wrong it is for ANYBODY to want or have it all, and set them back to a place where you hold women and yourself as DESERVING of anything and everything… because that’s all you need to do if you ever want to master seduction and become every woman’s fantasy.
Why are we doing this?
I once heard this quote from The Art of War that’ll help give you a better understanding of what makes these two modules so important TOGETHER:
It is said that if you know your enemies and know yourself, you will not be imperiled in a hundred battles; if you do not know your enemies but do know yourself, you will win one and lose one; if you do not know your enemies nor yourself, you will be imperiled in every single battle.
I’m sure you’ve heard that love and war are much the same, and in this case, they are. Knowing yourself is only half the battle, but self-assurance and understanding women will help you to “win” continuously wherever you go.
In the last module, we talked about knowing yourself and knowing what your best qualities are.
When a woman feels completely understood by a man who knows himself, she feels SEEN for who she truly is.
Not as his prospect, his fantasy, his potential wife or lover. She feels seen as the confident sexy woman that she is in her OWN life… and that allows her to bring out the very best parts of who she is for you.
What’s important to know about women, however, is that where you’re logical and task-oriented, she’s emotional and intuitive.
Men vs. Women
The most important thing to understand from this module is that women function on a completely different level than men.
Sure, you’ve come to know and understand yourself better now, and maybe understanding women sounds like the same thing… but it’s NOT.
In general, men have a tendency to use the parts of the brain associated with motor functioning. Therefore, when a man is faced with emotions, he would rather find solace in the physical world. He’d rather chop wood, go for a run, watch sports, make love, or even fight physically than talk about how he feels.
A woman, expressing her emotions through structures associated with what we label the mammalian brain, will talk about them, cry or laugh, and easily analyze them. Needless to say, women would like men to react like them and talk about love and emotions, while men would like women to react like them and make love.
While you’re probably more inclined to think, “Okay: problem, steps to solution, solution,” women aren’t as simple.
Women process information about their feelings and act on their emotions at all times.
When you text a woman and she doesn’t get back to you right away, you might easily brush it off.
Women on the other hand, will think to themselves, “Oh no! What does that MEAN? What’s going on for him right now? I bet he’s not as into me as I am into him. I’m probably throwing myself at him and he’s really annoyed with it.”
Women are more in tune with their emotions and thus analyze their world using what they know best – their emotions!
You, as a man, are simpler. You’re visual. You know what you want (especially after your last couple weeks), and you are biologically driven by the thrill of the chase. You are focused on your most basic needs (a work deadline, food, sex) while women are hardwired emotional multitaskers.
You are a competitor by nature, while women love to be pursued.
So while most women will just say, “I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong,” while crossing their arms and pouting, most men will SEE her body language and think, “Umm, something LOOKS wrong, but I guess she’s fine.”
In other words, men fall short of understanding women and the fact that they WANT you to pursue them because men take things at face value, whereas women will sit there and wonder why he doesn’t care to connect with her on her emotional level when she’s OBVIOUSLY upset (I know, it’s ridiculous, but it’s the way of the world).
You need to be the man who takes things a step FURTHER, can analyze the situation he sees, and be strong enough to go deeper with women… because that’s what they all want!
For example, if a woman tells you nothing’s wrong, go up to her, touch her, and say, “I know something’s wrong, but I get that you need your time. I’m here if you need me and I care about you. Don’t be afraid to talk to me.” Then either hug her or kiss her while looking into her eyes.
In this moment, a woman simply wants to know it’s safe to reveal her emotions and that she’ll be safe if she does.
Men who understand this about women are what we ladies consider “emotionally available,” a guy who has the tools to really comprehend women. We want men with the right tools to make us feel safe and secure, men who have what it takes to take care of themselves and then
take care of us.
The science behind it all
I don’t want to get all sciencey on you again, but I think it’s necessary.
From an evolutionary standpoint, women seek men that can provide them with access to resources. Resources are things that guarantee a better standard of life and safety. Examples of resources are: intelligence, stability, status, commitment, loyalty, dependability.
Women inherently seek out men who have the means to provide resources because of the investment women put in for “reproducing the seed.”
Let me explain.
Biologically, letting a man into her life can have repercussions, i.e. getting pregnant, which is why women are more selective and have a larger barrier to entry.
When a woman gets pregnant, she invests nine months of her time to caring for the man’s growing baby. This means the woman’s defenses are down: she’s more vulnerable to attack, she is more fragile, and becomes increasingly so with each passing month.
She can’t just let any old guy into her world. She has to be sure she is selecting properly just in case the worse case scenario happens. In other words, she’s investing her own time, safety, and security in choosing a mate with whom she will procreate.
And for all she knows, he could knock her up and leave on a moment’s notice (which isn’t far-fetched these days).
We look for men who can hold their own, take care of themselves FIRST, and lead strong, extraordinary lives that are consistent enough for us to be a part of. We want a man who won’t become emotionally rattled, who can remain strong in himself when we come into his life.
This is why women want to be with men who are confident leaders, have high self worth and integrity, are consistent and comfortable in their own skin, and are dependable, intelligent, and stable.
What this all means for you
Now that you’ve spent the time finding out who you really are, you’re free to be dynamic and adaptable to anything (and anyone) who comes your way, just like your early ancestor, the hunting, daring, adventurous cave man.
It’s been thought that female sexual preference and mate selection arose from a man’s ability to learn and adapt through changing environments.
Nowadays, it’s no different.
Where cavemen needed to adapt to harsh weather conditions and the movement of the herds, the modern man needs to be able to think on his feet and adapt to a woman entering his intimate space.
Women prefer guys who have an “enhanced learning ability” because it shows that these guys can stand on their own no matter what (or who) comes their way, thus prolonging the chances of survival.
Further studies have shown that female mate selection has less to do with physical traits and more to do with mental and cognitive reasoning.
For instance, a woman relies less on what she sees in a man’s appearance and more on what she sees IN him and how much he can mentally and relationally stimulate her. What’s important to note here is that a self-assured and fully confident man is the only type of man who can arouse a woman’s senses on all levels for an extended period of time.
And with self-assurance and a complete understanding of how a woman operates, you not only have the ability to stimulate her mental, physical, emotional, and communal senses, you also have far greater abilities in getting any woman you want, along with the staying power to do so every time.
You may be at the point where you’ve overwhelmed at the thought of “figuring women out” because they’re so completely foreign.
You may ALSO be one of the many men who have adopted MANY of the false beliefs about women hating men, or thinking that any guy who comes up to them is creepy, or that all they want is a rich, successful, Fabio-type guy with a Ferrari.
I could go on, but you get the picture, and you’re not alone.
10 things you NEED to know about beautiful, quality women
So instead of going on about the common myths men hold about women, I’m going to cut right to the chase and tell you EXACTLY what you need to know about beautiful women.
Most guys only see beautiful women in magazines or from a distance.
You might not interact with “stunningly gorgeous” women on a daily basis, but I sure do, and some would say I am one 😉
So here are ten things I want you to know about quality, gorgeous women:
1. Beautiful women aren’t superheroes with secret powers – Yes, they may look great in tight spandex leggings, but contrary to what you may think, beautiful women don’t have any special skills that make them better than you. The only power they have is that they have the looks that make them attractive to most people…and THAT can only get a person so far.
2. Beautiful women want you to come talk to them – I’m friends with a super-hot actress in Hollywood (whose name I cannot say, but trust me, she’s hot and you know her), and she told me that if she ever wants to be alone, she walks around in public. No one looks at her, no one talks to her, and no one approaches her.
And the funny thing is, she would LOVE to be approached. Most of my girlfriends say the exact same thing. Their main complaint is that they get all dolled up, put on their favorite outfits, do their hair and makeup, and NOBODY notices. Or the only people who do notice are arrogant, stuck up jerks. So the next time you talk yourself out of saying something to a woman who catches your eye, remember, she wants to be approached. You’re not bothering her if you’re a solid, amazing guy (which you are, duh!).
3. Beautiful women have their own insecurities too! – OMG, do they. Yes, there have been areas in their lives that may have been easier because of their looks. But when it comes down to it, beautiful women have the exact same insecurities running through their heads as the rest of the world. Am I good enough? Am I a loser? Am I fat? Is my skin bad? My thighs are horrible. Will they like me? Should I get a boob job? Will they like me for more than my looks? Do they even care what I think?
4. Beautiful women can be guarded and have baggage – Just like you, women have been hurt, bruised, and wounded from past relationships. I hear a lot of beautiful women say that sometimes people forget that they are real people with feelings. “Some men want to date me so they look better, and they don’t care about me. I have had this happen to me many times and it hurts. It hurts to be used for your looks,” says my female friend who is a model.
5. Beautiful women want a good man – Do you know how often normal women get approached by rude, disrespectful men? Well multiply that by 50. ’Cause that’s how many men approach beautiful women. Why? Because a lot of guys shoot themselves down before even TRYING with beautiful women. But here’s the kicker: beautiful women WANT to be with a good man… and definitely not with jerks.
6. Beautiful women are not fake and superficial – Okay, fine, some really are. But some aren’t. You don’t have to have Einstein’s brain, George Clooney’s looks, and Bill Gates’s money to attract, date, and get a beautiful woman. You have to have all those things if you want to date a superficial money grabber, and that’s exactly what you’ll get. But beautiful women, inside and out, want a guy who will love them for what they have to offer, who they are inside, and what makes them beautiful apart from their looks.
7. Beautiful women aren’t a bunch of catty, stuck up bitches – At least, not all of them. Just like other humans, you come across some good ones and you come across some bad ones. I know it’s easier to think all beautiful women, or people for that matter, are stuck up jerks, but they’re not.Women may appear stuck up because they’ve become so jaded by men trying to get in their pants and USE them for their looks that they almost don’t trust men in general. This goes back to them feeling insecure and NOT coming across quality men who will love and respect them for who they REALLY are.
8. Beautiful women have brains and want to be intellectually stimulated – In fact, some of my most intelligent friends are ridiculously beautiful women. Beautiful women also have brains and personality to match their looks – just like all the 5s, 6s, and 7s in the world.And like any other women, beautiful women want to have interesting conversations, talk about things that you’re passionate about, and have you be interested in the things THEY have to say, as well.
9. Beautiful women don’t want to be approached with some generic compliment about their beauty – Beautiful women don’t want to be seen as JUST beautiful. Like all other women, they want to be heard, seen, and understood. They want to know that you think they’re different from all the other women out there, and they want to be TREATED like they’re someone special to you. If you want to really get a beautiful woman, compliment her on what makes HER so unique, rather than the way she looks. She already knows she’s hot. Now tell her something she doesn’t know.
10. There is no PERFECT PHRASE or pickup line to say to a beautiful woman – I have said this time and time again: there is no magic panty-dropping line that any man can say that’ll get a woman from zero to horny in ten seconds flat. Line up ten guys in front of me, all saying the exact same pickup line, and guaranteed, I will feel a different reaction to each of them. Some I’ll love, some I’ll hate, and some will creep me out. It’s not about what you say; it’s about the man who says it.
11. Bonus: Like all other women, beautiful women are just people – Number 11 is the most important one of all. Beautiful women are just people, so stop putting them up on an almighty pedestal that somehow makes them BETTER than you… because they AREN’T. Being attractive is simply one skill that a beautiful woman literally wears on her sleeve.
All women want a man who is sure of who he is, who can walk into a room and count on himself to hold his own even if he’s in a completely foreign land. We want a guy who exhibits all qualities of self-assurance, which are character, strength, and value (which I’m sure you have ingrained in you at this point).
But these qualities are not the direct indicators of self-assurance.
The actual behaviors that women look for that demonstrate character, strength, and value are three things: confidence, fun, and being proactive.
A man who is confident in his behavior (relaxed, decisive, leads) is strong; a man who is fun and proactive has good character and has value to the woman.
When a woman is around a man who exhibits these traits, she is able to relax, let down her guard, and fall into her feminine role. It is only when a woman is in this feminine state that she is able to relax and begin to think about sexuality.
When a woman is around a man who is confident and of good character, she is also able to be more confident and express her sexuality.
And THAT is exactly what women want.
We want to be around a man who is confident in himself so that we can be confident in our OWN role as your woman, so we can let loose our sexual nature, so we can cater to YOU as a MAN and be the sexy, desirable woman you LET US BE.
What women DON’T want in a man
Anything that does not convey these traits, or conveys the opposite, is not attractive to women and can be downright repulsive.
Women do not want a man who:
1. Wants to be mothered – A man who wants to be mothered does not demonstrate the traits that trigger a woman’s attraction. He is needy, dependent, and does not know how to take hold and take control of his life and what he wants out of it. He is not strong, he expects her to wear the pants in the relationship and baby him. Not sexy, and certainly not going to move the interaction forward physically. (How would a man who wants to be mothered be a good father?)
2. Is needy and dependent – This goes back to the man who needs to be mothered. A needy, dependent man is a drag; he is definitely not strong, and has little value because he contributes almost nothing to the interaction. He needs a woman to fulfill his self-esteem, to determine his self-worth… and if she doesn’t do that, he LASHES OUT and does anything he can to get a woman’s approval. He does not take a proactive leadership role that actually would benefit the woman. Having no life, good friends, or an enjoyable career outside of the women he dates is a sign that the man is needy and dependent.
3. Has no backbone and can be walked all over – A man who has no backbone and can be walked all over is weak and does not have good character. He’s a “yes man,” a guy who will agree to anything and everything just to please other people, even if it means displeasing himself. Epic turn-off. Having a backbone means standing up for yourself and your friends and not letting people take advantage of you, either. A woman will see this trait as sexy because she can feel safe and protected around such a man. Women usually classify a man who has no backbone as “too nice.” Because it is the nice way of saying, “Get some balls, dude, and then call me.”
SECRET: Women want to be with a NICE man. They don’t want to be with a pushover. Big difference.
4. Is not positive and is always complaining – A man who is not positive is not helpful in any way. Being negative and pessimistic is an outright display of weakness and powerlessness, traits that are not attractive to a woman. Guys who don’t have anything good to say about the things and people in their lives will treat their women in the same respect (or lack thereof). Being aggressive and abrasive is a symptom of negativity and demonstrates a man who is weak and unhappy.
5. Cannot handle tension – A man who cannot handle tension is weak, which doesn’t turn women on. What makes him weak is that he can’t hold his own when it comes to tense situations or moments in his life. He’d rather get as far away from or fix the problem as soon as possible, instead of sitting with and learning from the discomfort he feels. Women avoid this guy because this is the guy who “can’t take the heat.”
6. Can’t understand women – One of the biggest complaints women have is that men don’t LISTEN. Men who refuse to see things from their woman’s point of view or try to understand her thoughts and feelings are selfish and unattractive. Women won’t be attracted to a man who doesn’t properly deal with their insecurities and hidden needs or who doesn’t know how to listen to what she’s actually saying. (You may need to put what she is saying into the context of your experience because she may not fully understand herself, but don’t make the mistake of not considering what she is saying as true because you think you understand her better – women hate this.)
7. Is not proactive (doesn’t bring anything to the table) – A boy is passive; a man is assertive. A man who is not proactive is similar to being needy and dependent. Even if he’s not needy and does have a life outside of the relationship with her, if he does not contribute to the relationship/interaction and does not demonstrate that he is invested and cares about the direction of the relationship, he won’t trigger desire in women. If he is already in a relationship and becomes complacent and lazy, the woman will actually become less attracted to him and may start to get snippy at him about everything as he diminishes in her eyes.
8. Is too emotional and gushy – It’s important to realize that not only should a man not throw up lots of information onto women, he should also not over-compliment women. Why? A lot of guys think they can attract a woman by demonstrating that they are super nice and understanding, etc. The problem is, if you focus too much on demonstrating character, you won’t demonstrate strength and the other qualities women are attracted to. In addition, too many compliments and niceties make a man look insincere, which indicates bad character. He may not actually be of bad character, and a woman may not think of it in terms of character, but she will be annoyed at him and either push him away, push him into the Friend Zone, or worse, use him for all the material gain she can, and then get rid of him.
I’m not saying never be nice or buy things for a girl, but do it because YOU want to, not because you think it will get you something. Maintain a balance between the different characteristics a woman is looking for.
Unfortunately, not all women understand themselves, and will often find themselves in a state of mixed feelings about a guy. This is especially true for younger girls. Younger women may see a guy who is a complete jerk, mistake his jerkiness and arrogance for confidence and strength, and feel a simulacrum of attraction for him. This comes from a woman’s primal urge to be with a strong man and because of subtle parts of her insecurity that such a man may (perhaps inadvertently) play on. However, a jerk does not have good character, and he often does not contribute much to the relationship (other than making the woman feel like she needs him and cannot leave him) and, as such, a woman will quickly develop resentment and anger towards him.
A woman with any experience with men will not easily fall for jerks or arrogant assholes, which is why it is important to exercise all three of the desired traits.
How to tell if you are someone she wants
I don’t believe in waiting for signs before you take action. When considering approaching a woman, the only thing you need to be thinking is:
“I am interested in her and want to know more.”
BUT once you get into a conversation with a woman, it can be difficult for men to spot the female flirting signs.
First, signs she is NOT interested:
• No eye contact
• Body shifted away from you
• Arms crossed, leaning back
• Looking around the room while you are talking • Nodding instead of responding
• Giving one-word responses
• Being overly friendly
If you see these signs, RUN. Get away and get over this woman. She’s
not into you.
Now, on to signs you should be looking for, the signs that tell you that it’s okay to ask for her number or for a date or that you can go in for the kiss.
Here are 13 signs she’s flirting with you:
1. Her smile – This is the simplest flirt there is, and the hardest to misinterpret. If a woman smiles at you from across the room, a “slow smile,” not a nervous or forced smile. This means that she wants you to talk to her.
2. Hair twirling – This is something that I do when I am into a guy and want him to be attracted to me. I twirl my hair, touch my lips and bat my eyes. All very feminine flirty things that women feel will make a man turned on and more attracted to us.
3. A change of clothes – It’s definitely a sign when she returns from the bathroom with new lip gloss applied, her hair tossed, and one less button done up.
4. Damsel in distress – If a woman asks you for assistance in any way, such as, “Excuse me, could you help me figure out the tip on this bar tab? I’ve never had to pay one before,” she’s flirting with you. I have definitely done this one many times – asked for help when it was not needed just to catch someone’s attention. “Can you help me lift this heavy chair?” I do yoga and weight training and could totally lift it myself, but why do it yourself when there is a cute guy who can do it for you?
5. She’s touchy-feely – Lightly touching you while talking is a BIG SIGN!!! If I find several ways to slightly touch you or get close, I’m into you. BUT if I freely and comfortably touch you multiple times throughout our conversation, I see you as a “friend” or “non-threatening.” Not a flirting sign. The slight differences in flirty touch vs. friend touch are so discrete, it’s hard for many men to tell the difference.
6. Her body language – Twisting my body away from you but still engaging in conversation. When I flirt, I want to be mysterious. So I’ll go back and forth between facing you and not facing you while in conversation. This will also help me calm down and get more comfortable.
NOTE: When you notice a woman doing this and want to determine if she is interested, pay attention to the way she responds to you in conversation. If she responds with one-word answers, then twists her body away, she is NOT interested. BUT if she engages you and responds with complete answers and then turns away or asks you a question, she is into you.
7. She fusses and fidgets – Tossing her hair, twisting her pinky ring, or snaping her hairband, this counts as flirtatious behavior if and only if (and these are big “ifs” and “onlys”) she maintains uninterrupted eye contact. If she keeps glancing away, she may very well be repulsed by you and want to get away as soon as possible. When I am attracted to someone, I stumble over my words and fidget. We all get nervous.
8. She gets closer – If she’s trying to get close to you, she’s flirting! If she’s constantly moving away, she’s sending you a subtle signal to back off – she’s not into you that way. A woman will get closer to you in proximity. You may even get the feeling she is hovering around you or trying to eavesdrop on your conversations. Women who do not want to be around you will physically back away from you. If she is into you, she will lightly touch you in some way.
9. She’s lively and laughing – She will be laughing at all of your jokes…even the unfunny ones (another powerful flirting sign). When I am attracted to a guy, I will be fascinated by anything that comes out of his mouth. Remember, if a woman is NOT interested, she will give you single-word answers and nod. If you have a woman engaged, but you can tell she is slightly nervous, it’s a sign she is into you.
10. She lets loose – This is a tricky one, because most women who are that comfortable with you right off the bat are usually not attracted to you. Therefore, they may freely reveal lots of private information with little worry because there is no attraction to be lost. It depends on the conversation. In this case, I would need to hear more about what information was actually exchanged to give a good assessment as to whether she was interested.
11. She interviews you – She’ll ask you questions about yourself. What is your name? How old are you? What do you do for a living? Many men think that questions are a sign of testing, when in fact they are a sign of interest. She’s asking you questions because she wants the full picture. REMEMBER: Giving responses is important, but THE WAY you respond will dictate her attraction levels.
12. She compliments and digs – You know how people say that loving and hating someone is pretty much the same thing. Well, the same is true with compliments and insults. If she’s complimenting you a lot or giving you digs like “Oh, you’re a player,” or, “I bet you like that girl,” SHE’S FLIRTING!!
13. She talks about your future together – She’s definitely flirting with you if she starts to come up with future plans. For instance, she’ll mention a band that she wants you to see. Or she’ll literally say, “What are you doing next weekend?” When I am flirting with a guy, I want to seal the deal and lock him down. BUT if he eagerly responds to my invites, I’m over it. I remember when I was doing a TV show with Jennifer Love Hewitt and we had a “female date,” she turned me off by over-inviting me to things. I could tell she liked me because she invited me to do something that coming weekend. That made me happy, but I said, “l’ll check my calendar and let you know.” Before the night was over, she had invited me to three more things.
Bonus (I wanted to add in one more that I discovered recently)…
14. She fights for your approval – Or, as I like to refer to it, “impressing a guy with facts about me.” I almost kicked myself when I started noticing that I was doing this. It was almost as if I was screaming
“I have value! Like me! Like me! Like me!” I honestly wanted to kick myself for doing it, but it just kept on happening. This is a huge sign that you have created attraction. When a woman starts to validate herself to you, slipping in facts about why she’s great or what she has accomplished, it’s a surefire sign that you have ignited the fire within! You have her bubbling, and it’s showing through her nerves and desire for you to pay attention to her and think she is great.
So if you approach a woman and start talking to her and she starts bragging about something off-topic from what you are discussing, she is attempting to show value, which means she’s attracted and TOTALLY into you! At this point, you could literally do anything you want with her and she’ll be more than happy to do it.
Now that you know these 13 (kind of 14) signs she’s flirting with you, you can start to capitalize on your opportunities.
How are we going to do it?
To help get you started on becoming the understanding, self-assured man that knows women through and through and can make them feel safe, secure, and sexy everywhere you go, I’ve compiled a handful of exercises for you to complete.
Our goal is to do all these exercises for the next week or so and to continue doing so throughout the duration of this course (on TOP of the exercises you learned from the last module).
All of them are geared toward helping you better understand women and attract more of them into your life.
They’re here to facilitate your own understanding of how women understand and function in the world around them and, more importantly, what drives them absolutely wild when it comes to men.
Once you have a better understanding of women across the board, we’re going to get you out and about to GET more women into your life.
All I ask if that you be 100% honest with yourself in answering the questions and doing the exercises, just like last in the last module. Again, there is no right or wrong way to answer any of the reflective questions.
These exercises will help you become aware of how women work, what they need in order to let their guards down, and what they want in a man… so that YOU can get absolutely any woman you want.
More importantly, I want you to HAVE FUN. If you find yourself getting confused, frustrated, or even down on yourself, take a step back, recall WHY you’re going through this, and remember that the only person you have to answer to in all this is YOU.
Good luck, and I’ll speak to you soon 😉
