Acquiring Skills Bonus Emails
The examples I gave in the Playbook are probably going to look a lot different depending on the kind of guy you are now, the women you come across, and the different situations you find yourself in as you go along this journey.
I understand there are plenty of “special cases,” and also that you’re a standout guy looking for a standout girl.
So I’ve compiled emails from former clients of mine who have also found themselves in particular situations when it came to getting the girl, learning the skills, and utilizing them properly once they went out to get the girl they wanted.
See if you find yourself in here or maybe learn from their mistakes, so that you can find yourself learning and practicing the skills without stress or worries.
Hi Marni,
This question may qualify for dumb question of the month! It is “inspired” by something I heard years ago from Mystery in which he refused, when asked by a group of girls, to take a camera
from one of them and take a picture of the group of girl-friends.
I was out with a friend in a nightclub, and he introduced me to a female friend of his. At some point in the evening she asked me to hold her drink for her while she and another female friend went to the restroom. Was this in some way a “shit test?” Was this a good sign of trust? Did I look weak or compliant? What should I have done? I did hold the drink for her until she returned, but I did feel slightly awkward (thanks to Mystery!).
Thank you in advance for the time taken to reply to this. Kind regards, Simon
When a woman asks you to do something like that, you can hold onto your masculinity by making a joking comment so that she’s aware you’re still a man and someone of value.
If you just say “Sure!” and then take the drink and stay in that spot till she returns, you have no impact on her.
But you can say, “It’s $20 an hour, so hurry back!” or “I’ll hold it for now, but if some girl starts flirting with me, I’m throwing this fruity cocktail away.”
Something like that.
Hey Marni,
I usually don’t have too much trouble approaching a woman who is by herself, or a woman who is in a group but not actively talking to anyone. But I hesitate to approach a woman who is already engaged in a conversation with either a girl or guy. I am afraid I’ll be perceived as rude for interrupting their conversation. Problem is, at most social settings, people are already talking to others at least 60-80% of the time. So how do I approach someone without being seen as rude, interrupting a conversation, etc. Is it all just in my head?
Any tips? Thanks, W
I think that these thoughts of being rude are just your insecurities popping up.
Let me ask you this:
1. Are you a rude person? Most likely you’ll answer no, so stop worrying about others perceiving you as rude because you already know you’re not.
2. Do you have something to contribute to a conversation, whether it’s with someone you know or a stranger? If you answer YES, then you will never bother anyone, because you will be adding to their lives. If they don’t appreciate what you add, then that’s their loss.
3. Do you have value? If your answer is YES, you should be approaching EVERYONE you see that piques your interest, whether they are alone or talking to ten people.
The point is that the only way to get what you want is by asking for it. So don’t let your belief about what people MIGHT think psych you out. Go after what you want, and let them tell you what they think!
Marni,
I would like to know the real reason why a girl will give a man a compliance test. This usually takes the form of asking a man who is attracted to her to do her a little favor.
This has happened to me several times, and it usually takes a man by surprise.
To refuse to do the favor makes you seem mean and petty. On the other hand, doing the favor may make you seem like another nice guy wussie who is trying to win her approval by an act of compliance.
The last thing I want is to look like a wussie!
I would like a your view on why women throw seemingly innocent compliance test at men and what to do when I receive one.
Tony
My program says that women don’t actually test men…
It’s not like we sit at the pre-date thinking, “How can I trick this guy?” The way I see it, any form of perceived “testing” stems from insecurities.
Women who give men so-called “compliance tests” are usually doing so out of a really deep insecurity, one that says, “He can’t possibly be into me. Let me see if he really is…”
What these women don’t realize is that the more they can get a man to do whatever they want, the less they respect him!
Now, Tony, I would never say don’t do a favor for a woman because you don’t want to come off as a “nice guy,” because then, yes, you look really mean!
But I will say to make sure you are FORTHCOMING about what you are and are NOT comfortable with doing.
If she asks you to walk her to her car and you feel comfortable doing so (and even WANT to), then GO FOR IT and tell her you’ll be GLAD to do that for her.
HOWEVER, if she asks you to paint her toenails for her (!) and that is something you are ADAMANTLY AGAINST, then I insist you tell her you don’t want to!
It’s all about first being true to YOUR OWN wants and needs, and if her “compliance test” goes against either of those, then let her know…
Trust me, this is the stuff that women find sexy!
Marni,
Late last night, I went grocery shopping. Upon going to checkout, I saw this woman that I was extremely attracted to.
While we checked out, I decided to take a different path to my car, only to find out that she was parked near me. She was wearing biking gear and had a bike in the back of her truck. I think this intimidated me a little because I did not approach her. Reason being, I really thought I would be bothering her. I do this all the time and want to stop wasting great opportunities.
So my question to you is, when can I approach a woman?
Ian
The short answer to your question is ALWAYS. If you see a woman you want, approach her. Delay or linger, and you can easily become the creepy guy gawking from behind the Doritos display.
Remember, it’s about you first, her second.
It sounds like there is a lot of pressure on your approaches, and you may be thinking large picture instead of small picture.
Large Picture: I’m going to approach this girl, she is going to be attracted to me, I’m going to get her number, we are going to date, have sex… the whole shebang!
That’s a lot to put on an approach. Try drilling it back a little to a smaller picture. Small picture (or intentions) are more realistic. Plus, they are far less emotionally charged, which makes them easier to accomplish.
Small Picture: That girl is cute. I want to talk to her and see if I like her.
Having the small picture in mind before any approaches will make it a lot easier on you. If you don’t attach a large picture outcome to your actions, then you will not feel as much pressure to succeed.
I want to comment on one more thing: you said in your email that you thought you would be bothering her. I hear these assumptions from the men I work with all the time.
Below are some of the assumptions I am constantly hearing from men.
Assumptions gone wrong:
• She’s not my type
• She won’t be into me
• I’m too short for her
• I’m too fat/bald/skinny for her
• She probably has a boyfriend
• She’s busy right now
• She doesn’t want to be bothered
• She’s with her friends and doesn’t want to be interrupted
It’s very interesting that these men know so much about a woman they have never spoken to before. Which leads me to the conclusion that men are mind readers, and I know for certain that is not true.
These assumptions are really just fears disguised as intelligent justifications. These are what I like to call “conceived truths” that stop us from getting what we want.
Please do not fall victim. Approach every woman that piques your interest and decide what category you want to put her in after you have some facts to base it on 🙂
Hello,
I am having trouble deciding on how to approach this girl that I am interested in at work.
She sat at my table once during lunch break, and I could not start a meaningful conversation. Since then, I can tell she is nervous and does not sit at my table anymore.
I definitely feel the attraction, and it is very strong. We have both checked each other out on multiple occasions with our glances meeting eye to eye at certain points. Since we both work at a small company, I know her name and was thinking about emailing her straight up.
Please advise. I feel as though I cannot wait any longer. Sincerely yours,
James
Seems like you are letting this situation put a lot of pressure on you. Analyzing her actions, attempting to mind read what a look means.
I’m going to tell you this, and you may not like it:
You will never be able to read a woman’s mind, no matter how hard you try. You will also never be able to control an outcome and keep yourself safe from potential risk.
This “what is she thinking and how do I play it so that I get what I want” game’s got to end now.
Here’s what you need to know about women:
We know when you’re into us. At first, we’re open and ready to be approached and asked out. Then, if you delay asking us out, we slowly start to doubt your masculinity and the attraction decreases at a steady pace.
The longer you wait, the creepier you become. Until you reach a point of no return.
Here’s what I want you to do so that you don’t fall into the creep category and turn this woman off for good.
You are going to ask her out, ’cause that’s what you want, right?
You want to take her out on a date, get to know her better, and see if there is something there. Or you may just want to have sex with her, but both end goals have to start with asking her out.
Tips:
1. Do not hide behind an indirect, non-specific, low confidence email that kind of says, “I like you.” Talk to her.
Show her that you are a confident man who doesn’t need to hide behind a computer.
2. Be direct and ask for what you want: “You’re really X. I want to talk to you when we’re not in the office and get to know you better. Drinks or a coffee. What are you doing next X?”
The only way to get what you want is by asking for it!
So if you want to get to know her better, suggest getting to know her better.
If you want to take her out for a drink, ask her out for a drink.
If you want to kiss her… then kiss her!
If she doesn’t want any of the above, she’ll let you know. But let her do the rejecting instead of you rejecting yourself.
Of course, getting to know her better, asking her out, and then kissing her are a lot easier said than done.
Once you have the confidence and the skills needed to create instant attraction with women, opening up to them and eventually creating intense chemistry will be no problem.
It won’t matter if you work with her, catch her eye on the street, or think you’ve already missed your chance… you’ll have endless ways to win her over.
So stop waiting around and go get her, James!
Marni,
Quick question. I remembered from my first meeting with this girl that she likes white roses. Would it be unwise to give her 1 white rose for the 2nd meeting?
Eddie
That’s a tough one without knowing full details on how you feel/think about this girl or how she reacts/responds to you. But here are my broad thoughts on the matter of giving gifts to women.
Before you take any action with a woman; texting, email, calling, gifts, etc., you’ve got to take a second and really think about WHY you are doing it.
If you are doing it for attention – don’t do it.
If you are doing it so she’ll think you’re nice – don’t do it.
If you are doing it because you think that’s what she wants you to do – don’t do it.
If you are doing it because you honestly thought, “Hey, she might like it, and it won’t take me much time to do,” – DO IT.
Intention is everything. So if you like this girl and want to do it, then do it. But don’t do it to because you think it will make you win.
For your specific situation, I think bringing a rose is very sweet. It’s definitely thoughtful and can win you points if she feels chemistry between the two of you.
If you sensed chemistry from the first date, then I would bring the rose to show you guys are still on track. But if you guys are still fence sitting, this move may seem a little premature and needy.
Only you can tell where you guys are at and decide.
As you can see, not every guy’s situation is going to be the same, and at the same time, you may not find yourself so different from other guys out there who have absolutely no clue how to do this stuff.
Which is all going to be different for you from here on out.
Whether or not you found yourself relating to these guys that wrote in to me already, you now know what implementing these skills looks like when done correctly, and probably know exactly what NOT to do when practicing.
But don’t forget that you don’t need to get it ALL RIGHT the very first time. Going out and using these skills over and over and over again is what’s going to make you a master with women. Thinking you need to go through it all once and then never look back is the BIGGEST MISTAKE you could possibly make. So learn from these guys, and take it from me: these skills are yours forever now. Should you wish to, ALWAYS use them.
