Okay, so the setting is perfect, you’ve laughed and talked, maybe had a few drinks and some good food. Everything is mellow and romantic. You lean in. Further. Further…
And your lips meet… air?
Or slightly better, the smooth cheek of your lady friend. You pull back in surprise. Her eyes are shuttered, her smile embarrassed.
What happened?!
The most common reason is that you missed the all important “come hither” signals that women give out to let men know they want to be wooed physically.
You missed the “Kissing Code.”
Lucky for you, I’m here! First, let’s break down the language of a woman who DOES NOT want to be kissed to save yourself the time, confusion, and embarrassment from NOT knowing:
Warning Sign 1: When a woman avoids making eye contact with you, pay attention. It could mean she is just shy and nervous. However, if she looks around the room or over your shoulder, she probably wants to be elsewhere.
Warning Sign 2: If your date purses her lips frequently—compresses them so they are very thin or even disappear—she could be displaying irritation, boredom, or impatience (none of which are harbingers of an impending lip lock).
Warning Sign 3: Keep an eye on her overall body carriage. Is she tense and circumspect with her arms and torso? When a woman keeps her arms folded, holds her hands in her lap, or hugs herself around the chest, she is attempting to make herself as small as possible to avoid contact.
Warning Sign 4: As for her conversation, a woman is not interested in a kiss if she purposefully steers talk away from anything personal or intimate. She will speak in a normal voice and keep a fair amount of distance between her body and yours.
Okay, now that we’ve got THOSE signals out of the way, here are a list of signals that are going to be your GREEN LIGHT to go in for the kiss… because once you see these, I can guarantee you she’s waiting for it:
Signal 1: Her eyes are softened and slightly narrowed—this is the “dreamy” expression—and she keeps dropping her gaze to look at your mouth. This indicates that she is imagining her lips locked with yours.
Signal 2: If she is licking or lightly biting her lips a lot (especially in combination with the first point), it means she is making sure they are soft and pliable.
Signal 3: What your parents told you was true: if a girl hits you, it’s because she likes you. Gentle slaps on the arm or leg, and seemingly casual touches to your face or hands all hint at her desire to be close.
Signal 4: Listen to her ,voice as well. If it dips in tone and becomes slightly breathy, the lady is inviting you into her personal space for a secret.
If you still can’t seem to decipher the Kissing Code your date is using, settle for a kiss on the cheek, but linger near her face for a moment and allow her to make the choice of taking it a step further. When all else fails, just ask her if she would mind a little lip dancing.
Why this skill set is so important
Knowing how or when to go in for the kiss is the make-it-or-break-it for whether you’re just a guy she had a good time with and can eventually be friends with or a guy with whom she DEFINITELY wants to take things further.
I’ve had plenty of clients over the years tell me about how great the date was and how they THOUGHT the chemistry was spot on… but eventually things just “fizzled out for some reason.”
The kiss is the first step to heading in a sexual direction, as opposed to a platonic, friendly one.
And knowing exactly HOW to kiss a woman is key in avoiding the awful girl gossip thereafter.
So many guys have their own agenda and use kissing as nothing but a precursor to cop a feel. They usually do it in a way that’s sloppy without any regard to the woman they’re actually kissing!
Kissing is a sensual act that involves TWO people, it involves really feeling out your partner and connecting with one of the most sensitive and sexual parts of your body.
And I want to make sure you get it right.
Exercise:
Okay, we’re going to go back to grade school for a second and practice-kissing by yourself.
For the next week or so, I want you to practice kissing on your arm to see what it feels like for you. You can also do something that I used to do when I was kid, but have never revealed to anyone. I used to make out with my mirror to practice. I loved the way it felt on my tongue, ha! But it’s also a great indicator of when you are kissing too hard or you start thrusting. Trust me, your mirror can be your best friend. Just make sure you have a big bottle of organic, chemical free window cleaner to wipe off your spit after.
Don’t open your mouth too wide and don’t make it so tightly closed that it makes your lips hard.
This is exactly what I used to do when I was practicing, so don’t worry about feeling stupid, because you’re going to be a pro by the end of this 😉
The best first kiss I can recall was after a guy had taken my hands, looked me in the eyes, and sheepishly admitted, “I REALLY want to kiss you right now.”
I could tell he was nervous but the fact that he stated what he wanted and had no problem owning it was so unbelievably romantic and sexy to me.
And sure enough, after we both stopped giggling like little school girls, he placed his one hand behind my waist, the other on the back of my neck, and pulled me into to the softest, sweetest kiss I’d ever felt.
Then he followed it by little soft ones, which just sent chills down my spine.
And then soon after that we were full-on making out and fighting not to tear each other’s clothes off (you get the picture).
So practice with yourself first and refer to the list of do’s and don’t’s for how to take it to the next level.
Dos and don’ts
• Don’t SURPRISE her. If you’re not close to a woman, making good eye contact and speaking seductively; you’re doing nothing to communicate that a kiss is coming her way. If you try to make out with her out of the blue, she will react with shock because it is not a pleasant surprise. Plus, you’ll miss out on all the fantastic anticipation we feel as women when we know that a kiss is coming
• Don’t use CHEESY lines. Another great reason for communicating that you want to kiss a woman through your body language and eye contact is that you get to avoid those cringe-worthy chat-up lines. Lines like, “How would you rate yourself as a kisser?” just makes my skin crawl! Kissing is natural, you don’t need to use a line to initiate it
Take it SLOW. Start off slowly and gently, then gradually build up to a more passionate kiss. Kissing is an incredibly sensuous act for women, and it is amazing foreplay. It also gives us a little hint about how we might continue on with you as lovers. Just like how you wouldn’t dive straight into sex without the foreplay, you also want to take your time with a kiss
Don’t ASK her if you can kiss her. Again, asking for permission shows that you’re not confident in going after what you want. Women want to be taken and swept off their feet, and nothing turns us on more than a guy who wants us SO BADLY that he can’t help but JUST. KISS. US. So don’t ask… just go
Keep your lips soft. Like I was saying earlier, you don’t want to be too tight-lipped and closed… that feels really weird for girls (or anybody!) and is actually a way of closing yourself off to things escalating within the moment. Closed-lipped kisses are for your family members… so soften those bad boys up!
A few soft kisses are ALWAYS great because they slow things down and show that you’re not just trying to get in her pants. It also helps gauge her interest in the moment
DON’T give her a mouthful of your saliva! Nothing’s grosser than the thought of having someone else’s spit in your mouth… so whatever you do, keep saliva levels low by swallowing every once in awhile or pulling your lips in and discreetly sucking some off. If she has to stop and wipe her mouth, then you DEFINITELY need to tone it down
Lock lips with hers by taking her top or bottom lip in between yours so that they’re each stacked on top of one of another. Then gently lick and suck on her lip in between yours. This is a great segue into French kissing
Place one hand behind her waist and the other behind her neck. If you really want to turn up the heat, place both hands behind her neck and head and give her hair a VERY SLIGHT pull at its base
Once you lip lock with your lips stacked on hers, massage your tongue slightly on her lips and gently on her tongue. Don’t shove your tongue or thrust it into her mouth, but rather use your tongue to lightly FEEL hers
Don’t leave your tongue in there for too long, but rather switch up soft gentle kisses, sucking on her lips, and feeling your tongue onto hers
Gauge her reaction throughout! Don’t get too caught up in your “technique” or any steps here, but rather ENJOY THE MOMENT and engage with her throughout
What mastery of this skill will look like
Kissing a woman can be your make-it-or-break-it.
A guy who knows exactly HOW to kiss a woman is a guy who never has to end up in the Friend Zone. Kissing is the point of no return, the part in movies where a guy and a girl can no longer go back to being platonic or just friends.
Once you master the art of kissing, and kissing any woman with passion and intensity specific to HER in the moment, you’ll NEVER have to worry about ending up in the Friend Zone again!
Women become locked in from amazing kisses (I know I have) because it’s something you can’t exactly FAKE.
It’s our chance to REALLY feel you for the first time and physically feel how you respond to us…and it’s YOUR chance to show us just how much you want us and respect us.
You’ll drive women crazy once you know how to kiss… and even get them highly addicted to you after just one.
